You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
