Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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