I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
