I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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