I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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