after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
