i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
