apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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