i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
