You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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