dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
