I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A bitchslap is in order.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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