you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
