So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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