i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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