We won't sleep together?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
