The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
