i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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