mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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