So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
