How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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