New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
