Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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