i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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