at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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