How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
