the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
