New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
