i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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