Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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