so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
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Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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