i wish my penis had a tongue
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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