i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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