I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
