My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
