Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
