When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
