My sheets look like a crime scene.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
