HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
