you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
