Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
