i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
