Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
