she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize