Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
a search helicopter?!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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