I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
