do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
