I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
