She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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