Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You made out with two different species that night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
