i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
