I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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