You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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