Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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