You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
