Even the bartender felt bad for me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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