Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
