? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
