Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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