The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
