were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
