Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
