Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
