she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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