Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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