PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize