My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
