dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
