Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
