if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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