I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
