yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize