Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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