drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i think im in europe. pls send help
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize