I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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