he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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