Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
